I can resist anything but temptation

Filed under:Uncategorized — posted by the Yearning Heart on October 29, 2005 @ 12:48 pm
I couldn’t stay away from it. I gave in to temptation; that’s the only explanation and it’s no excuse. I know it was bad for me; I know it was wrong and I know it will come back to haunt me – if not today, then soon.
I’m weak, I know; I’m only human. It was only a matter of time.
The worst part is that I liked it. It was warm, stimulating, strong; and it made it easier to face the day; god knows I need that, and it looks like I’m too weak to stay away from it for long.
So forgive me, blog: despite everything I forswore, I had coffee.
And it was really, really good.

Ache, ache, ache.

Filed under:Uncategorized — posted by the Yearning Heart on October 27, 2005 @ 4:25 pm
I hate to count, but the last day that Monsieur gave me sex: October 12.
Ouch. My heart hurts so bad from this constant yearning. I have got to … GOT to … be strong, keep it together, not get needy, not get emotionally freaked out – but I am.
Oh, yeah - here’s my semi-clad feet. Happy HNT, and enjoy.

Oh, yeah – here’s my semi-clad feet. Happy HNT, and enjoy.
I’m just such a mess. So to take my mind off of it, I’m gonna do this meme, and thank you, Venting Housewife:

  1. Copy this entire list into your blog.
  2. BOLD everything about you that is true.
  3. Leave plain anything that is false about you.
  4. Put an asterisk (*) at the end of false statements you would LIKE to be true.

  • I have had sex while wearing a blindfold.*
  • I have blindfolded someone else during sex.
  • I have had sex while watching porn.
  • I have had sex while surfing porn on the Internet.
  • I sleep better after sex.
  • There are some nights I cannot sleep without sex or masturbating.
  • The bed is NOT my most favorite place to have sex.
  • I am turned on knowing someone is watching me masturbate.
  • I have masturbated for someone over a web cam.
  • I have had sex over a web cam.
  • I will have sex with someone I just met if they turn me on.
  • I have been tied up during sex.
  • I have had sex with someone who was tied up.*
  • I have dripped wax onto a lover’s body.*
  • I have had a lover drip wax onto my body.
  • I have a foot fetish.
  • I have a leather fetish.
  • I have a tickle fetish.
  • I like being choked during sex.
  • I have had sex in a burning building.
  • I have erotic art on display somewhere in my residence.
  • I enjoy nudie magazines.
  • Erotic toys are a regular part of my budget.*
  • I think Playboy is tame, maybe even boring.
  • I have clicked on porn links in my email.
  • I know the difference between girl/girl and lesbian sex in porn.
  • I have watched more than one gay/lesbian porn video.
  • Much of what I know about sex comes from porn.
  • Interracial sex turns me on.
  • I think we should do more to understand the cultures of sex.
  • I would participate in sex research given the opportunity.
  • My current lover does not sufficiently meet my sexual needs.
  • I currently have a “crush” on someone of the same sex.
  • I have had sex at my place of employment.*
  • I am often disappointed in my sexual relationships.
  • Some people might describe me as a nymphomaniac.
  • I am difficult to live with if I’m not having sex on a regular basis.
  • I sleep better with someone snuggled up next to me.
  • I have had sex under water.
  • I have had sex in the snow.
  • I am in a polyamorous relationship.
  • I have to have music playing while having sex.
  • I have had more than ten orgasms in one night.***
  • I have flashed strangers.
  • I have given sex as a gift.
  • I have set-up a three-way for my lover.*
  • I stopped during this list to have sex.***

Naked Eyes

Filed under:Uncategorized — posted by the Yearning Heart on October 20, 2005 @ 3:29 pm
Naked Eyes

Happy HNT!

The more I get, the more I want

Filed under:Uncategorized — posted by the Yearning Heart on October 16, 2005 @ 5:00 am
I went out with Monsieur again last night (Saturday) for a short while; H watched the boys again but they were asleep before we left, so she had an easy time of it.
We only went into town to have coffee beverages and talk. While we were out we ran into K; she’s a whole bunch of fun.
She hadn’t actually spoken to Monsieur for any length of time before. She sat with us and drank espresso. I must have been infectiously hyper or something because she and I ended up laughing a lot; almost embarrassing ourselves. She had walked there from work and was looking for a lift home so Monsieur offered her one – such a gentleman – and we flirted with him all the way home.
She brought up the guy who had asked me out at work the other night. “He was cute, [Yearning Heart], I think you should have gone for it.”
“Oh, no, K,” I laughed. “He’s a boy; I like men.” I put my hand on Monsieur’s knee, as if I was emphasizing that point.
“You guys OK, then?” K asked devilishly.
“I think so, ya,” I giggled.
“So you’re finally getting it enough then, [Yearning Heart]?” K laughed.
I looked over at Monsieur; he was silent and his eyes on the road. “I don’t think I can get it enough,” I replied. “But I don’t complain,” I added, and looked over at Monsieur and ran my fingers up his back and through his hair.
“Mmm, maybe I should come over some night and show [D] how a lady should be treated,” K said, teasing.
“I think not, dear,” Monsieur finally broke his silence.
“Are you afraid of a little competition, [D]?” K laughed
“Not a bit,” he answered, “but I think you are acting like a spoiled brat, and before I would permit you to demonstrate any such thing, I should have to treat you like the spoiled child you are behaving.”
Her eyes lit up. “Ooo! spankings!”
“You better be careful, [K],” I warned her, “I hear he spanks very hard.”
“The harder the better,” she said, grinning.
“You don’t know what you are speaking about,” Monsieur said. We came to a stop. “Here is your apartment, dear. Should we walk you up?”
“Oh, I’ll manage; thank you for asking,” she said, reaching for her purse.
We said our goodbyes and she left. I turned to Monsieur as he pulled out of the parking lot. “I’m sorry if she offended you,” I said softly.
“Not a bit; she was flirting with us and I returned it,” he said with a smile.
“Would you have spanked her, really?” I asked.
He laughed. “Very doubtful,” he replied. “I don’t think she has the fortitude to withstand one of my spankings. I think she would be likely to lose interest, and equally likely to be crippling sore the next day.”
I wonder: would he have? would she have? what would I do?
I need more sex.

HNT

Filed under:Uncategorized — posted by the Yearning Heart on October 13, 2005 @ 4:25 pm

Taken ten minutes ago – uploaded with only 33 minutes to spare, Central Daylight Time.

33 minutes to spare!

I always do my best work under deadline.

Helen of Troy

Filed under:Uncategorized — posted by the Yearning Heart on @ 7:47 am
I got some last night.
I spent the evening watching a British special on PBS about Helen of Troy. The narrator, Bettany Hughes, reminded me of Maggie in some way. This was odd, since they looked and sounded nothing like each other; Maggie was Asian, short, kind of round and curvy, and spoke with an American accent. Bettany Hughes is of European descent, slender, speaks with a British accent. It must have been the way Ms. Hughes would arch one eyebrow and talk about Helen’s “powerful image as a sexual icon” and make the Spartan queen’s life sound so romantic and alive. I remember Maggie talking about Katherine in Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew the same way.
By the end of the evening I was so freaking hot I figured I’d be up again in an hour, letting my fingers do the loving and thinking of Monsieur.
But Monsieur finally came to bed, after a long session trouble-shooting for some client of his.[1] I was in my flannel nightie, about as sexy and appealing as Carol Brady on The Brady Bunch, or so I thought.
He lay down next to me and I turned and put my arms around him. He gently held me, and I moved his hands from my back to cup my ass. He squeezed it gently and I wrapped my legs around his thigh, burying my face in his chest and hugging him tightly. I didn’t want to force it on him; but I really wanted him to know I wanted it. He would alternate between squeezing my butt and running his rough fingers in circles over my ass. I flexed and squeezed my thighs on his knee, and he moved his hands up and down my bottom, squeezing it and slipping his hands in my butt crack. I was pressing my face to his chest, feeling my face flush when he turned and placed his mouth at my ear.
“Tell me, my love,” he whispered.
I gasped.
He pulled me to him tighter, and his thigh pressed into my pussy, mashing into my vulva and forcing it to spread and gush in my panties.
“Tell me, ma chère,” he insisted.
“Oh, Monsieur,” I whispered. “I… I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do, my angel. You know what you want; I wish to hear you say it.”
I reached for his waistband but he held my wrists gently but firmly, and then held them over my head. He was then on top of me, and I felt his erection through our layers of night clothes and my head swirled.
“Tell me,” he said, with his lips on my neck and his voice in my ear.
“I… need you, Monsieur,” I said feebly. My strength seemed to be fading. He kissed my neck, my collarbone, biting, kissing, and teasing. He was unshaven and his day-old beard was rough on my tender skin; it felt wonderful.
“What is it that you need, ma belle?”
“I … oh Monsieur, I am so embarrassed.”
“I love you, dear girl; do not be embarrassed.” His hands were moving from my bottom up to my breasts; he cupped them both in his hands and squeezed them, then his thumbs teased both of them roughly in his fingers. It felt exquisite; I arched my back to force them into his hands.
He let go and looked me in the eyes. “Tell me, or I’ll stop.”
“Oh … Monsieur, please no!”
He leaned over and sucked a nipple in between his teeth, as he gently bit it then sucked it out to its full length. I humped my pussy against his knee but he pulled it away. “Oh, Monsieur, I can’t believe I am this way with you?”
“What way is that?” he asked lightly.
“I’m so … so submissive,” I gasped, trying to force my sex back against his thigh. “I’ve never felt this way with anyone else before.”
“If so, then tell me what you want,” he insisted. “I would like to hear it from your pretty lips. You have said such things before; I wish you to know how it drives me wild.” He lifted up my nightie, exposing me to the open air and sending goose bumps up my body. He tugged my panties down and twisted them around my ankles, binding my feet together. “I love these panties,” he said almost to himself. He pulled my nightie off, and then took his t-shirt off and tied my wrists over my head with it. Then he retrieved the tie from his bathrobe and tied my wrists to the headboard.
Oh, shit, I thought. I struggled, testing my arms and my legs against my bonds.
“You’re quite secure,” he said, as he traced his fingers over my body from my thighs to my neck.
I was inflamed. “Please. Please Monsieur,” I begged. “Please take me now. I’ve been waiting for days.”
He smiled. “You’re so very good when you’ve been waiting. I’m considering making you wait after thoroughly teasing you for the night.” He pulled a nipple between his fingers, watched it stretch out, then leaned over and licked it before sucking it into his mouth.
I arched my back, moving my hips up and down and feeling obscenely wanton. “No, please, God, I’ll do anything.”
“Tell me, you sultry, sexy, naughty woman. Tell me what you are longing for.”
“Please please please … fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck the fuck out of me,” I hissed.
He was on top of me, his tall, lean body against me, his mouth kissing down from my neck, across both breasts. I tried to move my hips to position his cock against my gaping slit but he kept it away. He kissed down my belly to my sex, kissing across it and avoided it, lifting me up by my bottom and kissing down my perineum. I spread my legs wantonly. He turned me over, kissing all over my bottom, spreading my cheeks. I felt a wet finger circle around my anus, then his thumbs pressed on that tender ring.
“Where?” he growled.
“Wha…? Unnnhh…” my eyes closed as his thick finger slid into my anus. I never really liked butt play but this was beyond pleasure. My whole body felt like it had turned into molten lead.
“Where shall I fuck you, ma chère?”
“Oh… my god…. Not there, please, no,” I begged.
“Are you afraid?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said, “you’re way too big. I don’t think it would … it would fit. I’m afraid of it hurting me.”
He pressed the fingers of his other hand against my vulva. I was on my knees, my chest against the bed. He lined his cock up with the entrance of my vagina, and held it there. He parted my labia and slid his thick cock head up and down my slit, teasing it.
“Oh, Monsieur,” I gasped. I tried to back up against it but the bathrobe tie held fast. My arms were stretched out in front of me, and my ass was as high as I could hold it. His knees were between mine, and he forced my legs slightly apart with his thighs. My ankles were still tied together with my twisted panties and kept me from spreading as wide as I wanted.
“Where shall I fuck you?” he asked me again.
“Fuck me … fuck my pussy,” I begged.
He took this as his cue, pulling my labia apart and swirling his cock head around in my hole, coating it with a layer of my wetness. I could feel it running down my slit, down my thighs, and I moaned.
“Yes,” he slowly whispered, and slid his length into me, slowly, deliciously, and I felt him penetrate me, stretching me, pressing and pushing and parting me.
“Ahh,” I gasped happily.
“There?” he whispered, as he slid into me.
“Unnggh,” I said, delirious, and I nodded, burying my face in the mattress as he took me from behind. He held my hips with both hands and pulled me towards him slowly. I moved my hips forward, then arched my back to give him the best angle.
I looked back at him from beneath my hanging breasts. His balls were tightly packed against his body, his thighs, strong and lean. His hands were all over me. I pulled against the knotted bathrobe tie, and he pushed the last of his length into me. I felt his shaft rub roughly against my clit.
“UNNNGH!” I cried. “ahh-AAH, YES!”
“Hush, love, or you will wake the children,” he said, touching my lips with his wet finger. I sucked it, moaning.
His free hand traveled down to my mons, pressing it; then his fingers circled my swollen clit and mashed it, rubbing it in a circle as he began fucking me in a steady rhythm. “Is this what you wanted, love?” he whispered in my ear.
“Yes,” I hissed, “every day. I need it every day.”
“Oh, no,” he disagreed. “You are so much better if you’ve been denied for a few days. Or even,” he added, picking up the pace, “a week…” a deep thrust, “two weeks…” his balls slapping against me, “I wonder if you could stand a month?” He grabbed my shoulders and fucked me, hard, his breath coming in ragged gasps.
My vision went dark as my mind went elsewhere. Sparks seemed to gather and explode in my eyes. I’m seeing fireworks, I thought, amazed. Then my consciousness left me, for a minute? For five minutes? I didn’t know.
When my eyesight returned, he was beside me, untying my wrists and ankles, and then holding me tightly to his chest. My breath was ragged and I was woozy.
“Do you feel better, darling?” he asked me.
“Oh… oh Monsieur, yes. Yes I do,” I assured him, kissing his jawline and then his lips.
“Good,” he sighed. “I do too,” he added. I sighed as well. He paused. “I love you, darling. I hope you know that – sleep well.”
(I did. I slept like a well-fucked rock.)
[1] I haven’t gone into his work details on this blog for reasons of his privacy; it might be too easy to figure out who he is if I did. As it is I’ve probably said enough.

The Yearning Heart is…

Filed under:Uncategorized — posted by the Yearning Heart on October 11, 2005 @ 6:50 am
… frantically, crazily, madly, recklessly, heedlessly, almost uncontrollably horny.
I’ll live. No one ever died from this, right?
I visited Lady Ann’s today, and got a lot of really groovy attention from guys but held them at arm’s length. It’s easier during the daytime when I know a freshly awakened toddler could interrupt me at any moment.
Heart's Yearning

All right, I am a romance novel.
I spoke last night to Monsieur about, um, servicing me more often. I feel like a cranky brood mare. Anyway, he allowed that he could be more dutiful that way, and then he got this far-away look and I asked him what was wrong. “It’s Maggie,” he said. “I don’t think that I am completely ready for this, what you want from me.”
“It’s all right,” I assured him, feeling like shit inside. “I don’t think either of us will ever get over that. It was too sudden, too unexpected.”
Someone sent me a link to this book on http://powells.com. I am a romance novel.

Monogamy

Filed under:Uncategorized — posted by the Yearning Heart on October 10, 2005 @ 2:21 am
monogamy, by jb daniel, 2004
monogamy, by jb daniel, 2004
Faithful readers of this journal may remember that I am also a sometime “working girl” at this online brothel called Lady Ann’s. It might not also have been mentioned that I occasionally fooled around with cybersex before and after that. OK, by the time Lady Ann’s came around, it was more than “occasionally”; I did it at least a couple times a week – enough to be named “Girl of the Week” a few times. I had rules, though: no cams, no meeting offline, and no attachments. This isn’t a dating service; this is just for fun, and if anyone ever gets hurt, we stop.
I did it recently, since I just don’t get enough sex. But after last Tuesday, I started to feel guilty about it.
It’s different now, coming to Monsieur’s bed with sticky fingers and swollen pubes. I know he didn’t mind it when Maggie did it, and she even told me it spiced up their sex life. I just can’t stop feeling like it’s something I shouldn’t do. I look at him the next morning over breakfast, and I feel like he knows what I’ve been doing.
So, I told my cyber-buddies that I am going to stay monogamous, online and offline.
I have some pretty deep relationships; I have a dear, close friend who knew Maggie from Ann’s and we got pretty close, especially over the months since Maggie passed away. I guess we found comfort in each other’s arms. She’s female; I never had a relationship like that with a girl before, but it’s very intense. I’m going to miss the intimacy. It sounds silly since it’s all totally online but we all know the power of words between people, or we wouldn’t be reading online journals!
I told her that we could be friends still but that I had to stay monogamous. At first she was hurt; later she told me it was all right and that she understood. I hope she does. I hope she reads this and knows that I love her but I don’t want to risk the relationship that I’m starting. Relationships are hard enough without all the odd jealousies and insecurities that could happen if I get into trouble.
Anyone else – what do you think? Have you ever had this problem? Am I doing the right thing? If I am or not, please say so.

My Inbox

Filed under:Uncategorized — posted by the Yearning Heart on October 8, 2005 @ 3:45 pm
I got the internet version of “drunk dialed” in the form of a lovely e-mail the other day from my ex-boyfriend:
—– Original Message —–

From: [SH]

To: [the Yearning Heart]

Sent: Wednesday, October 05, 2005 8:21 AM

Subject: hey

Hey, [Yearning Heart]
How’s that new boyfriend of yours enjoying your used pussy?
— [SH]

Oh, nice to hear from you, [SH]!
He likes it fine, once he gets past the used part.
— The Yearning Heart
Geez, what a douche. He walked straight into that one; I had to laugh out loud.

Chicken Judgment

Filed under:Uncategorized — posted by the Yearning Heart on @ 8:36 am
Three chickens hadn’t been making their numbers in the egg quota
Three chickens hadn’t been making their numbers in the egg quota
Monsieur decided the fate of three chickens. Since he keeps chickens, this will involve a bit of violence. I will never get used to it, I don’t think. I was raised on a farm and I know all about where meat comes from and what happens to animals and all, but still… I can’t quite get used to the fact that it’s gotta happen so often.
Three chickens hadn’t been making their numbers in the egg quota, so they started getting some additional shelled corn and fewer soybeans in the feed for the past month. They didn’t seem to know what was up; they just started putting on the pounds. Monsieur usually does the chicken feeding and egg gathering, but once in a while I do it. In case you were wondering, chickens stink.
One chicken was already dispatched earlier this week, and cooked in a pinapple and honey glaze. The next one will go for tomorrow’s dinner. #3’s execution date has not been set.
For every chicken we off, we usually purchase five new chicks from the chick hatchery. They’re adorable, but I can’t get too attached. We set them up in a little warm box heated by a 25-watt light bulb and filled with sawdust and dried leaves. Chicks need to be fed five times a day or more. One or two usually will die from natural causes and another will get offed by a feral dog or a coyote.
Monsieur treats coyotes with the same respect that he treats all thieves: none at all. I discovered this recently one night when he heard a suspicious noise in the back yard; he snatched a saber down from the wall and ran outside, his footsteps silent. He came back in and replaced the sword and I gave him a questioning look. “Damned coyotes,” he said.
“Why don’t you have a gun?” I asked.
“I hate guns,” he replied. “They are without honor; they require less skill and I would have to lock them away from the children. By the time I could get a rifle unlocked, have it loaded and run outside, the coyote would have had dinner and then would be carrying away his breakfast. Besides,” he added, “an intruder can use a gun against you.”
“He could use a sword against you just as easily,” I argued.
He chuckled. “Unlikely,” he said. “He would have to be well-versed in swordplay. I know of few 21st-century house burglars with such esoteric knowledge.”

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image: detail of installation by Bronwyn Lace