Act 1, Scene 4

Filed under:Uncategorized — posted by the Yearning Heart on January 30, 2006 @ 7:50 am
Monsieur’s mom and sister arrived for about a week. They got in late Saturday night (and woke up the whole house, since we have a very loud watch-chicken.) Sunday, mostly, Monsieur took his sister into town to help her pick out something or another.
I spent a lot of time with Belle-Mère, just sitting outside and letting the kids play (the weather was gorgeous; a fine spring day [78° F. in January!] in the Texas hills) and she offered to make lunch and I offered to help. My mom, had she been there, would have dropped dead to see me actually chopping onions with a chef’s knife.
We talked about Monsieur’s father, about how she was living in the US in the 1960’s during Vietnam while her husband was working for the US military in Southeast Asia; which led us to talking about the riots last year in France.

Interior, kitchen, late afternoon. They are peeling vegetables.

Belle-Mère: …. Fortunately we were spared the worst of the riots, in our little village.

Yearning Heart: Ya, I read about it online in the NY Times, and the English Le Figaro.

Belle-Mère: You read the newspaper on the computer? My daughter reads hers on her mobile telephone. I don’t understand. What’s wrong with reading the paper?

Yearning Heart: Well, I can read online for free.

Belle-Mère: Phone news is probably worse than television news. I didn’t want to get my news from the moving pictures; I don’t want to get my news from my typewriter or my telephone. I read the magazines on paper, while I drink my coffee.

Yearning Heart:

T minus 24:00 to Mademoiselle D

Filed under:Uncategorized — posted by the Yearning Heart on January 27, 2006 @ 8:30 am
  • Floors: check
  • Counters: check
  • Clutter: gone
  • Laundry: in control
  • Face: reasonably clear of blemishes
  • Underwear: clean
  • Hair: washed. (I’ll braid it.)
  • 3 dressy outfits: clean and ready-to-wear
  • Boys: bathed
  • Boys’ bedrooms: tidied
  • Chickens: fed
  • Groceries: stocked
Why am I so nervous? Because: I face the unknown, with no tech or dress rehearsal.
Belle-Mère and Mademoiselle D (Monsieur’s mother and his sister) come this weekend, and I have no idea what Mademoiselle told Belle-Mère about me.
The last time I spoke with Mademoiselle, it was on the telephone last June. She told me I had no business being here while Monsieur is still going through major upheaval and grief.
“I’ll leave when he asks me to,” I told her simply.
“And why should [Monsieur] do that,” she asked me “with a woman there to do,” and then a pause, “his bidding.”
“If you are so worried about him and the boys, why aren’t you down here helping him yourself?” I asked, trying to keep the challenging tone out of my voice.
“You know I can’t leave my work,” she said. “I know it would be hard for him, but he needs time to sort things out for himself. They all do.”
“I’ll leave when he asks me to,” I repeated. “I promise you that.”
She asked me if I was in love with Monsieur.
“I don’t know,” I lied.
“Are you sleeping with him?”
That caught me off guard. “No,” I said. (I hadn’t, at that time.) “But, I won’t tell you that the thought hasn’t crossed my mind. If I do end up in his bed, I promise you that it will be my choice, his problem, and none of your business.”[1]
“All right then,” she said, and that conversation was over.
So now the Ice Queen is coming with her mom and I have no idea what’s going to happen. I’m sure it will all be fine.
Ha. Ha, hah, hahahaha.[2]

[1] Adapted from The Goodbye Girl, by Neil Simon. Used without permission.

[2] Sarcastic, fateful laughter.

tagged/hnt

Filed under:Uncategorized — posted by the Yearning Heart on January 26, 2006 @ 4:58 am
Tagged by yummy Venting Housewife, I’m supposed to name 8 things that I would have in a perfect partner.

  1. knows what to do when I have a live chicken in my hands and I say, “did you know it’s Half-Nekkid Thursday?”
  1. practical enough to make the rent, dress & take care of himself; but not so materialistic that money and clothes are an end unto itself
  2. creative or has an artistic side
  3. funny – or at least gets my jokes
  4. knows:
    1. when to be a gentleman (almost all of the time) and
    2. when to hold me down and pound me like the slut that I am
  5. must be good looking – but not too good looking if you know what I mean; good hands, good eyes, good voice, good lips
  6. must know his way around the hoo-hoo
  7. treats cats and children well, even when no one is looking
  8. is willing to do 4 b), regularly

A dozen considerations

Filed under:Uncategorized — posted by the Yearning Heart on January 25, 2006 @ 1:18 am
I saw two pictures of Monsieur’s mother; of course she’s gorgeous. One looks to be from just after World War II, with her and her husband, Monsieur’s father; the second must have been when they were living in California. It’s a picture of Monsieur, age about 18 months, standing at a marina at his mother’s knee.
She looks elegant and beautiful. I might post one of her pictures here, if I get Monsieur’s OK. Maybe severely cropped, so you can see the eyes. She looks like Liz Talyor circa Butterfield 8 or Jackie Kennedy, about 1961.
Monsieur is so sweet to me. He knows how insecure I am here and he goes out of his way to reassure me with a dozen little considerations a day. Not only does he cook, do housework, and take care of the children – well of course he does – but he does my laundry. I have never met a guy who does other people’s laundry, least of all mine. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my dad do laundry.
OK, it’s not just the laundry. He left me a note to tell me that he set up the VCR to record Coldplay on Austin City Limits, and then Commander-in-Chief. He fixed that annoying whistling noise coming through my car’s windshield. He showed me how to dice vegetables easily so that my wrist doesn’t get all tired. He seems to go out of his way to tell me that he believes in me, and that what I’m doing is worthwhile, appreciated, needed, and valuable.
And … [gasps] He took me to church! His church! And I wore red, which my mom would frown on for church – but then Monsieur’s church is one my mom would consider a “sect”. (It’s Unitarian, and actually very nice people.) A red dress is what I wore, with matching red tights, to church, on a shadowy Sunday.
It just makes me realize that there are three kinds of males that I have dealt with: boys, guys, and men. Up to now I’ve dated boys, and after that I was in relationships with guys. Now I’m with a man. Someone who takes care of a family and is confident in what he does.
I like it.

Anxiety Attack

Filed under:Uncategorized — posted by the Yearning Heart on January 23, 2006 @ 7:43 pm
I woke up just now realizing that Monsieur’s mother will be here in less than a week. For some reason this gave me such an anxiety attack. His mother, and his sister will be here. I know D doesn’t think I should be here. What will she tell his mom? I tossed and turned till 2 AM then just got up.
I stared at a bottle of cognac in the cupboard for ten minutes, thinking a shot of that would settle me and make me sleep. But I closed the cupboard door.
I have been running so fast and hard, trying to immerse myself in the education of these kids and caring for these three – no, four – guys. I am learning to cook, which is something my mom always wanted me to do, but I never would. I guess I’m learning to grow up.
After the last boy goes to bed I’m usually next. I now realize why people with kids don’t have sex so much – although I want to! But right now there’s nothing better than to be asleep in bed, then to wake up and roll over and find him there.
I don’t know what D will be like when they get here. D is Monsieur’s sister. Wait, D is also Monsieur’s initial too, so I guess I should call his sister Mademoiselle. Now, there’s something I would never do in real life.
Then as I go to post this I find that Venting Housewife’s blog has been hacked; I’m so angry.

top 10

Filed under:Uncategorized — posted by the Yearning Heart on January 18, 2006 @ 5:19 pm

This week’s top ten countdown:
10 hours of data entry

9 lesson plans

8 stiff inches

7 loads of laundry

6 stubbed toes (2 mine)

5 busy bees

4 pounds of oranges

3 sleeping boys

2 sticky lovers

1 yearning heart

Tomorrow’s Schedule:
Wake up. Dress me and boys, feed same. Go, dogs, go! Teach, soothe, wipe, play, feed. Eat, work, sleep. See me run. Run, run, run.
The question was raised by Obesio here why Monsieur “doesn’t simply support you in the way that you clearly deserve”?
Well, it’s because I got through school with a massive debt, and I need to make student loan and consumer debt payments on it.
Monsieur’s a kind man, and a generous man – but not a wealthy man. He makes a living and can feed his boys, so far. But Maggie left behind a huge consumer debt, which he is bound to pay off. Her life insurance basically covered her medical costs and her funeral arrangements.
I asked him about helping me with my debt, of course, not knowing what his financial situation was. We sat down and went through our financial burden and what it would take to cover our household plus servicing our collective debt.
It would take more than he makes.
I don’t want to burden him any more than I already have, so I decided to work for a living, like I always have ever since I was 17.
Maybe later, if it’s possible, we’ll figure out a way for me to work from home.
Fact of life: “mommy jobs” just don’t pay well. Mommy jobs are jobs that moms do for free: cook, clean, serve food, care for children, teach. There’s others, but I can’t think of them. I’m so tired.

IM

Filed under:Uncategorized — posted by the Yearning Heart on January 10, 2006 @ 10:37 am

DE

Filed under:Uncategorized — posted by the Yearning Heart on @ 8:33 am
I had an interview for a data entry job on Monday. Ugh.
3 hrs./2 days a week + 4hrs./3 days a week = 20 hrs. × $12.00/hr. = ugh.
But I can do it until I’m OK to teach, then the co-op will give me $300/wk.
It wasn’t so much an interview as a meeting to make sure I pass all qualifications (I am currently breathing, I can spell “SSN” and I can alphabetize without humming the ABC song. I know the difference between “imminent” and “eminent”, which is more than I can say for the White House.
Here is an excerpt from my interview / run-through:

“In this situation, you see a set of invoice templates and you can see … [click] … where you can override the rule for a statement.”

ME: “So, the statement is the 2nd invoice?”

HR: “Oh no. Invoices are individual invoices. A statement is always a full statement.”

ME: “Oh. OK, I got it.”

HR: “Moving on …”

HNT for Art (or Bad Photo) Lovers

Filed under:Uncategorized — posted by the Yearning Heart on January 4, 2006 @ 6:00 pm

Warning: Art Ahead
Borrowed K’s cell phone, unzipped my jeans, ripped off my shirt and got Half-Nekkid – and K took a shot of me, which is hideous artsy. (Thanks, SpecialK.) (I think she thought I wanted something else. Oh well; who doesn’t?) Like how the main thing that stands out are my moles? That’s art.
Oh well. Once I learn PhotoShop or something like it, maybe I can erase them and make myself beautiful. Camera phones sure are lame.
Happy ½ Nekkid Thursday!

Notice. Ho-hum.

Filed under:Uncategorized — posted by the Yearning Heart on @ 8:01 am
I handed in my notice, and it was accepted without too much fanfare or regret.
“Thanks,” said shift manager. “We’ll let you know if this policy changes. Sorry about that.”
I talked to K who also has to quit, due to school. It seems that the owners want to clean out the schedule and get rid of anyone who can’t “commit to the restaurant”, which means no more part-timers or people trying to “pick up extra money”. They don’t want students or people with day jobs.
I think that leaves about 6 wait people, to run the place, and it’s a sizable restaurant of about 10-14 tables that is open for lunch, dinner and weekend breakfast.
Good luck, says I.
Now I don’t want to get another waiting job. I’m looking into doing freelance copy editing work, medical transcribing, anything. I don’t have much experience with anything like that. Do you think I could use this blog as a writing portfolio?
Ha. Ha, ha.
If you detected desperate, sarcastic laughter in that last sentence, you are very astute.
Monsieur says that he will cover my debts, but that it would be a hardship. I don’t want to be a burden to him that way, but he says that the effort that I put in simply can’t be replaced for any amount of money. He also says that he doesn’t want to lose me.
I don’t want to lose me either.
I talked to my friend MT, who says I should try working at a strip club once or twice a week.
Ha. Ha, ha. (More sarcastic desperation.) Thanks, dork. I’ll give it some thought, after I stop laughing.
Meanwhile since I can’t buy myself anything nice, I left my Amazon wish list on my profile, and also I’ll link to it here, in case there’s a millionaire out there who wants to make a poor underemployed hard-working redhead with a big yearning heart happy.

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image: detail of installation by Bronwyn Lace